Starting today, I’ve decided to pause all of my Binance futures trading. My extreme emotional volatility constantly interferes with my strategy. I keep trying to identify what’s wrong with me. The answer always lies in my past, a mess of fragmented memories that leave me swinging wildly between euphoria and despair. I’ve tried to reshape my personality, to become someone calm, even cold. But I can’t. Today, even though I clearly understood the market direction, I still lost $150,000. It forced me to reflect. My sensitivity and volatility have, at times, helped me make money. But the pain they bring is something few can understand. I’ve tried to chip away at myself, to reshape who I am, only to become a statue, bloodless, lifeless, unrecognizable. Not myself. Not anyone. I will no longer force myself to become a machine. I will allow myself to feel. To fear. To hesitate. To retreat. From this day forward, I will devote the rest of my energy to creation. Creation is the only place where I don’t need to suppress who I am. It’s the only space where I can face myself honestly. No charts. No hedging. Just a pen, a canvas, a piece of code, or a single frame of imagery. Through these, I can transform the chaos inside me into something meaningful. I will no longer chase quick money. I will no longer refresh my PnL. I want to notice how light filters through the leaves. I want to sit quietly and watch raindrops slide down glass. If trading taught me how to gamble with the world, then creation will teach me how to make peace with it. From today on, I will stop watching the red and green flashes of my screen. I will open my eyes to real morning light. I will no longer ask, "Will it rise or fall tomorrow" Instead, I will ask, "What can I create today" At this very moment, a trader dies, and an artist is reborn. Today is April 9th, 2025. I am 423Hugo.